13-02-2003

 

 

THE GRADUATION DAY

 

Such a strange, splitting sensation, flood of thoughts over and over my head,

brainstorming active, and dead silence is overwhelming me, cool and fool faces,

all around the hall. The celebration is having its crucial moment. Shivering

flashes cross my spine, splitting my questions, and destroying all the answers,

attacking my "heavy" loneliness, while a bunch of graduates is waiting for the

Big Proclamation, their hearts so light and over-pumping, like a furious machine

impossible to control, it beats faster and faster, it grows second after second.

Bell-bottomed untidy fragments of words I'm about to whisper to the restless and

wondered audience, while polished declarations are being held by the Great

Commission; all I'm able to see is only the Majesty Hall's frames,

some pictures featuring old scientists upon the ancient walls of the University.

I feel, all of a sudden, a strong, painful desire of rushing toward the most

darkened corner of the Hall, where no-one can watch or stare at me.

I don't want to be part of it, nor I want to get involved in such a mess,

shadows of grief from a troubled, unsolved past are wasting my free spirit,

suddenly I feel caged and enslaved; I can't allow myself to explode in tears

while most of the delighted crowd is exulting and crowning their own kings,

kings of the future.... or kings just for one day.... They will, maybe. I won't, for sure.

I can barely spot my parents, tens of miles far from me, I can observe while

they try to approach my little brother among the other graduates, so "drunk" of

devotion and ever-lasting riveting. It's his feast, and no-one will steal these

sheer moments of grace.

As the loudness goes straight through the Park, unclear voices seem to rumble

down to the ground, and then booming again up to the King Tree, reaching even

the most hidden and obscured spaces between the bushes. The sun is attempting,

menacingly, to my weak, wet eyes, freshening my gothic mood, while it lightens

the engineers' smart heads, like mirrors reflecting my gently faded face. My

hands are trembling, and my mind's growing dim. My brain is on fire, seems

like a razor shaving my thoughts and penetrating my consciousness.... I watch

now trees falling down and flowers wawing on the border of an abandoned

swimming pool, deserted and desolated, no water inside it, just an immense,

overwhelming void. Distorted flutes take over the deafening sound produced

by an orchestra led by crazy trumpets and screaming violins; the engineers with

mothers and fathers dancing around the bushes appears to be a new vision on this

unusual screen; they joyfully shout at each other and sing untunefully, although

the sound is right. Now I have managed to "get tuned" and "high", ready to join

the rest of the band and sing altogether old gospel chants of freedom.

...until the Sun intends to shine and leave Mother Rain in a shadowed corner of

the Earth.... waiting, in vain, for its turn to come.... ...oh, please, still

give all of us a reason to stay here longer, never allow menacing clouds to

penetrate your absoluteness and undisputable majesty.......

The majesty of this Graduation Day.

...and the echoes of those chants of freedom will quivering in the air for the

eternity....

 

TELEMACO PEPE

 

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